It was back in 2003 when I fell in love with a young, handsome, light skinned, masculine and tall man. He was charming, sexy, good guy that I needed. I was completely besotted with Mr. Wazimu. He would lift me up, carry me around and get me counting invisible stars in the sky. I was sold. This was my man, my other half, the one God prepared for me. So when he proposed I quickly said ‘yes”, before all this could disappear.
5 months later and we had a very colourful wedding that cost us a pretty penny–enough to buy you an acre of shamba in kitengela. I still regret about this. But no one would have convinced me otherwise then. I was over the moon. I wanted a wedding, a wedding of my choice, one that would remain in the lips of many, a wedding that would make an envy of the female species….
It’s now 16 years since I walked down the aisle in my imported wedding gown all the way from China complimented with an expensive gold pair of shoe from Hussein’s stores.
I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls. The older one just turned 15 while the last born is now 5. We will soon celebrate the second born’s 13th birthday. I recently though, withdrew the title WIFE from my achievements and this is why…..
Our first years in marriage were perfect. Our life was bliss. We were living the tag line: Whatever God has put together, no man should put a sunder!
We travelled the world, had fun, and invested where we could as we prepared for the uncertain future. You do know how things change. Right? You get promoted today but months later, your company is bankrupt and you lose entirely everything. So planning was crucial.
Into the third year of our marriage, I started seeing a different man in my husband. They say people change in marriage. My friend they do not only change, they rediscover themselves and become something totally different. I must warn you.
Hubby became very controlling. He owned me and stopped loving me. He was involved in all my affairs from my dressing, to the friends I keep to my career bla bla ..And this is how I forgot about me and started living in his shadow in the name of “safeguarding a marriage”.
My friends could always go like “what happened to you! You no longer turn up for events, you are always busy”.
“You know how pregnancies can be, juggling between motherhood and working is not easy, I would answer back.
I was always defensive, protecting the father of my kids who kept dismissing my feelings.
Keeping up with the lies was a struggle, a huge one for that matter. You can only fake it for a season.
After the birth of our second baby, Hubby ordered me to leave employment, so I could take care of our children.
I was reminded of the woman described in proverbs 31:
: Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:”
And just like the above verse, I heeded the call.
I submitted my resignation and left a well-paying job. It’s one of the worst mistakes I have ever made in life. You will soon find out why.
Part of my benefits included a share of my pension which hubby suggested we use it to upgrade to a big family car.
“Big family car? Perfect idea or so I thought.
Five months into my new career –a stay-home mum, marriage life became tough.
Hubby was never home, I could not use the car that I bought with my pension, and I no longer had a voice in my own house.
There was too much blame game and no respect for my privacy.
I became a slave. I followed orders, and listened to commands.
But I was still in love with the idea of being married.
On the flip side, I started having interests in issues that I was too busy to notice before.
I had all the time in my hands, enough to rethink every move in my life.
I started regretting why I left work. I was not independent as before. My financial muscle had shrunk. I felt incapacitated
And this is when I realized I had stopped living the minute I got married. The entire time I have been with him, I have stayed a mess.
I had become someone else—an unhappy, distressed and hopeless woman.
One early Saturday, in August 2019, I poured my heart out to him.
He didn’t have to physical abuse me for me to leave ….but I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted to fix no-one.
He had put me through enough emotional torture.
Emotional abuse precedes violence, it messes your mind but few understand this.
While you don’t see it, no broken limbs it contributes to low self-esteem and depression or even suicide.
I was bigger than this.
And that’s how my daughters and I left still-waters estate for sunrise villas…
I wanted my life back. I too had a purpose in life regardless of being a mother or a wife.
A new chapter beckons!
chaomd 